Responsibility

Two jobs have recently come up at an organization where I’ve volunteered for years.  The people there, who know both my father and I, suggested to Dad that I apply. 

This would be great, it’s full time and there are benefits.  It would be my first real  job as an adult.  I admit it’s a scary thing, but a step I think I’m ready to take.

The problem is that I’m still sick.  This illness, while it’s not permanent, has caused me to quit my last job and take two terms off school.  I have been off the grid for seven months, and  the light at the end of the tunnel is still dim.  I’m not sure how far off it is.

It’s my view that it’s irresponsible of me to apply for a job I probably won’t be capable of doing.  To my Dad it means getting out into the real world and being a real person.  I see his view, but he doesn’t really know how I feel physically.  He wants to see me break out of this funk I’m in.  I’m already signed up for a painting class, and I think that’s enough.  My doctor, who went through this a few years back, said that this is all normal.  It seems to those outside that I’m just in a funk, but the truth is that it’s a struggle to appear as though I’m feeling pretty good.

Not only that, but this entry is the most organized I’ve been all day.  My brain has just been jumping, diving and barrel-rolling all over the place today.  Another symptom.

So what do I do?  Challenge myself or be realistic?