The Edge

I have to do something to get me out of this funk.  My anxiety has been so bad that I tingle all over, I can barely type.  I know exactly where it’s coming from, but that doesn’t help.  I’m so completely on edge it hurts.

I tried to be honest with my best friend, one of my face to face ones, and she apparently doesn’t appreciate honesty.  I barely said anything…she called me disgusting and hasn’t spoken to me in a few days.  Knowing that though I still would have been honest with her.  I’ve discovered that I don’t want a dishonest relationship with anyone.  It’s still upsetting though.  Will things work out?  Am I down yet another friend?

I opened up to one of my online friends.  I told him a story that I haven’t even posted here yet.  I’m working on it, I’ll post it soon.  Just the fact that he knows this about me is enough to make me nervous, but now whenever I talk to him I babble like an idiot.  I know why I’m doing it, I do it to distract him from my nervousness, but I can’t seem to stop myself.  I hate that he knows this and I hate that I ramble so much around him now.  I don’t like sharing stuff like that about myself.

On top of all of this anxiety can be a big symptom of Lyme.

I want to find something to take the edge off.  Something to focus my brain on, to try to get this anxiety down to a manageable level.  This was supposed to be it, but I find talking about these issues actually make my anxiety worse.  I still aim to do it, I think it’s good for me…but maybe I shouldn’t focus so much on it. 

I’ve been wracking my brain and I’ve discovered that there’s only one thing that I can talk about for hours at a time, and that’s gaming.  I can say a lot about movies too, but games really get me involved in the conversation.  Apart from that there’s only one thing, one thing that I can talk about that I can write about forever.  Soundtracks.  Soundtracks are the only thing I talk about where I sound like a pretentious douche, and I don’t even care.  I love them.

With that in mind I think I might start writing reviews on soundtracks.  The only decision left to make is if I’ll post it here or find another blog.  I could just create a whole new blog I guess, or I could roll soundtrack discussion into this one.


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