Exercising the Brain Matter

I honestly don’t understand how I work sometimes. 

In the past few weeks I’ve had many decisions to mull over, leaving me very stressed.  I’ve been told that my post-secondary education is worthless without another ten years of education added to it.  I’ve been told that I have very few marketable job skills.  At my current job, I’ve been told that my hours are being cut and that I’m being denied a long overdue raise (budget issues).

I have no reason to lie here, and I don’t feel like I’m being over-confident when I say I’ve earned this raise.  I run an office that for the past three years I’ve helped build from the ground up, and I continue to run it and keep it growing today.  If I weren’t doing this effectively wouldn’t I be fired by now?  I’m still making minimum wage.  I’ve done all of this in the past at this rate because we were building and they conformed the business hours to accommodate my school schedule, but I’m starting to get sick of the job.  I’m not learning anything anymore, and the education used to make up for taking less pay…now that I’ve hit a plateau the job is just not worth as much.

Painfully long exposition aside…

Despite all of this, and disregarding a few low points in my mood, I’ve remained apathetically optimistic.  My general theory, I suppose, stands as: if I research and work towards it I’ll find something to do with my life.  I really and honestly don’t care what it is as long as I’m happy and can support myself.  So how is it I can be dealing with all of this and still continue?  Don’t be confused, I’m not hopeful and I don’t have my head in the clouds.  I know I’m a little screwed and I don’t really seem to care.  Where did my caring go?

I’ll add that to my list of stuff to think about.


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