Reflections

A strange series of events followed the moments after I posted my first entry to this blog last night.

It took me a lot of time to build up the courage to actually start this process.  For one, the internet is a hugely public place, and as I said earlier, I’m not totally ready to expose myself.

When I first clicked “publish”, I felt strangely happy.  It was liberating to finally do it.  I would finally be able to say everything that is on my mind without having to see the people hearing it, without having to deal directly with what they thought about it.  I was free to say what I wanted and it was great.  This blog thing wasn’t so bad.

When I got to bed, I started to consider all of the things I would write.  I couldn’t wait until the day when I got to write about this and about that, and I couldn’t wait to see if someone was actually out there, reading it.

Then I started to think about you, the reader.  Right now you’re a complete stranger to me, and I’m preparing to tell you everything there is to know about me.  That became daunting.  But anonymity was on my side, right?  If something went wrong I could easily escape this world and get back to my physical, normal-life world and pretend this one never existed.

But what if someone found out who I am?  It’s been known to happen I’m sure, if it hasn’t I’d be surprised.  There is always a chance someone could find me, and so know everything about me, leaving me completely naked.

I really don’t know how I feel about that, I’m not used to telling my secrets. I’m more the “bury it and forget it” type.  Does anyone care?  Is it even their business?

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